Now while you might well be wondering how one apparently small question could have such massive repercussions just bare in mind what this day means to the lovely lady in question. Most guys have never really given much thought to their future wedding but for many women it is a day they have pictured from their earliest memory. When you were scuffing your new school shoes chasing a ball your bride-to-be was already dreaming of her future Prince Charming (although at the time he was probably wearing a cape rather than your favourite trainers and T-shirt). It’s an over used phrase that it’s the most special day in a girl’s life but it is true. And what’s more she expects it to hold the same significance for you. So while she’s buying a newsstand’s entire stock of wedding magazines and showing you the 27 different ways she’s thinking of wearing her hair she’s hoping that thoughtful look on your face relates to your own ideas for the wedding rather than whether you’ll get to sneak out for a quick 18 holes this weekend rather than go to yet another wedding fair. Oh yeah… and she’ll wear a dress that will cost the price of a small family car. And then never ever wear it again.
Communication is key. Despite your beloved now having turned into bridezilla, in the words of Rudyard Kipling you need to “keep your head when all about you are losing theirs”. She IS going to get stressed. She IS going to get upset. You WILL have arguments concerning the wedding day. All this is perfectly natural and doesn’t mean you love each other any less it just means you’re planning a wedding and researchers say this is one of the most stressful events in a persons life. Especially for the bride.
One of the biggest complaints brides have is that their husband-to-be doesn’t seem to get involved enough or show enough interest. Yes there is an impossible list of questions to get through; What kind of flowers? What colour tie? What gifts do you get the bridesmaids? Should you sit Cousin Albert near the door in case he has one of his “moments”? While it’s true that what font you use on the place settings isn’t going to end world hunger or bring about piece in the Middle East these small details can make all the difference on the big day so get involved. Your wedding should be an extension of your personalities with all the quirks and idiosyncrasies that make the two of you so different. That doesn’t mean you have to dress as Smurfs or walk down the aisle to Iron Maiden but it means you should both be have a say in how you want the day to play out.
But you will need help to. Any bride has a whole support network buzzing around her keen to help out at every step and dress fitting. Us guys are never quite as willing to look for help but it’s not a bad idea to have someone on hand you can call when you need to head on a “fact finding mission” of you own to the nearest watering hole. Make sure your best man is the right man for the job who will sit with you and help you let off some steam when you need and also be the kind of friend that can help take some of the load off your shoulders when it comes to researching cars, musicians, DJ’s, etc.
So don’t just sit back ignoring the chaos, it isn’t going to go away and you’ll only add to the bride’s stress levels and if you bury your head for too long you might wake up on the day to find you’re travelling to the church in a pink stretch limo in a lime green suit. Make decisions, enjoy the process because despite some of the potential sticking points it should be enjoyable. After all this is going to be the most significant day of your lives, its your big day too.
Thanks to Kye Harman, at Simply the Best Man, for always giving the guys their fair share of the attention!