STRESSED OUT- NOT!

Wedding planning can be very stressful.  There are so many decisions to be made, budgets to stick to, personalities to juggle and keeping it all straight and up to date.  How are you going to handle it all?  Here are some tips for staying sane and not becoming a bridezilla.

Its very easy to get caught up in the excitement of being engaged. The first thing you need to do is enjoy being engaged.  Take some time after you say YES and just enjoy the moment.  Let it sink in that you have found your life partner and you are beginning a new chapter in the Book of Us.  Don't dive into wedding planning without a PLAN.

When you are ready, sit down together and talk about what you want your wedding to be.  Talk about budgets, about visions, about dates.  Come to an agreement together, write it all down and formulate a plan of action.  Then, if parents are helping pay for the wedding, schedule a time to sit down and discuss your plan.  Remember, its your wedding, but you need to respect the generosity of your parents and their part in the celebration.  Get a binder and keep everything in there.  Keep a calendar with a checklist.  This is your wedding bible.  Use it for everything.  It will keep you focused, on track and will keep everyone in the loop.  No stress- its all in black and white.

Now, you are prepared to start planning.  Venue is the first thing you should book.  If you have your heart set on a particular venue, get your date booked as soon as possible.  And, if your date isn't available, try to be flexible on date or venue.  Maybe you can move your wedding back or forward a week, maybe you can find a similar venue that is available.  Don't stress.  There are so many options.  

Of course, you are going to want to go dress shopping.  What bride hasn't dreamed of trying on dresses for her wedding?  But, are you indecisive?  Do you have trouble shopping, even for the simplest things and feel anxious about such a huge purchase?  Have you never imagined yourself in a wedding dress?  Do you have a body image struggle?  Well, just relax!  This does not have to be stressful.  Maybe you can go get your hair and nails and make up done right before your appointment.  Make yourself feel pretty.  Don't put your hair in a messy bun and wear your oldest pair of sweats.  Make this an occasion- because it is!!  And, don't take your whole bridal party or every female relative with you- especially the first time.  Go alone or with your mom or a trusted friend.  This is an overwhelming experience on its own.  Don't complicate it with too many opinions.  There is plenty of time to share The Dress with everyone.  Its your wedding, your dress- only your opinion matters!!  And, finally, make an appointment.  If you go into a bridal salon without one, you might feel like you aren't welcome or that they don't have time for you.  An appointment makes this a special time- just for you.

Ok- you have the venue and you found the dress.  The rest of the wedding hinges on these two things.  Are you basing your wedding around a theme, a color or something special that you share as a couple?   Pick one thing and build on it.  Don't try to put too many ideas into it or your wedding will get overwhelming.  Pinterest is a great resource, but keep your feet planted on the ground and don't just go crazy with all the pretty pictures.  Keep your budget in focus.  Keep your theme in focus.  Only glean what works from the internet.  This will keep you from getting confused, overwhelmed and over budget!!

 THIS IS IMPORTANT- just because a venue has an exclusive caterer or a PREFERRED VENDOR LIST doesn't mean they are great or right for you.  Many vendor lists are paid for, just like featured vendors on wedding websites.  Don't assume, just because there is a star next to a vendor, or a vendor is "preferred" by a venue, that they are the best.  Interview vendors, make a connection.  Connecting with your vendors is SO important.  DON'T BUY THE HYPE!

Here we are, the big stuff is done.  Take a break.  Get back to enjoying the engagement.  Plan an engagement party.  Celebrate with friends.  Celebrate each other.  Don't let wedding planning consume you.  Plan a couple's weekend.  Spend a day at a spa or just pamper each other a little.  Life goes on and you don't want to lose yourself in this process.

Remember these things-

1. Weddings are not perfect.  But, no one will know that something didn't get done, because only you know you wanted it.  Don't stress over things that you can't make happen.  And, don't stress over little mistakes.  Your guests are there to celebrate you, not to critique the event.

2. Take time for yourself, away from planning.   If you spend every waking hour obsessing over your wedding, by the time the day arrives, you will be too exhausted to enjoy it.

3. Ask for help.  Your bridal party can help you address envelopes, run errands, keep you from falling apart and glue the bling on your DIY projects.  Don't try to do it alone.  That is what bridesmaids are for.  

4. Take a deep breath and enjoy the day!!!!   This is your wedding day- but, it is just that A DAY!!  Enjoy the fact that your new life is begining and that your family and friends are there to celebrate with you.  If it didn't get done- leave it alone!!!!!   Nobody will care.  There is no wedding disaster bigger than your love of each other.  BE THE BRIDE!!

5. Hire a planner.  It doesn't matter if you have a 10K budget or a $100K budget.  A planner is your advocate, your right hand, the glue that holds the day together.  If anything does go wrong, your planner will fix it.  But, one word of caution- hire a professional, someone who knows the business, can jump into any hat and understands you and your vision.  Day of planning is great.  But, don't hire someone cheap who is only going to show up at your wedding or the week of.  Nobody has that kind of talent.  You can't do a job if you know nothing about the wedding.  Hire someone who takes the time to get to know you, your vendors and your vision.  That person will be able to navigate your day while you just enjoy it.  In the end, you can relax, enjoy the day and know that someone has your back.

Now, meditate, take a yoga class, have a girl's weekend, read a good book, go to the beach.  Just keep your feet on the ground, keep your expectations in check and remember- you are joining lives with this person.  That should be the focus.  Like my bride at the beginning of this article- plop on the floor in your gown and find your center.   JUST ENJOY!!!  

WEATHER...OR NOT

One of the hardest things about planning a wedding is WEATHER!   Nobody can predict the weather a year away.  What you can do is have a PLAN B and hope for the best possible outcome.  Today, with a hurricane brewing in the Atlantic, I decided to help you plan for the unexpected cloud burst, the snowstorm or an impending rainy day.  

Outdoor weddings in late summer or early fall are beautiful.  However, it is also hurricane season.  If the venue has a built in plan B that's wonderful.  If they don't, you need to have one.  Rent a tent!  Not only will it keep the raindrops from ruining your day, but it will keep the sun from beating down on your guests if it is hot.  Tents can be beautiful.  There are so many styles to choose from and they even have chandeliers.  And, make sure you get a floor put in.  Nobody wants to be tramping around on damp ground in heels.  This wedding was at a private home.  The patio was perfect for cocktail hour.   But, it had rained quite a bit the week before and there was the threat of rain that day.  Beyond this lovely patio was a tent for dinner.  We didn't need to do it, but we could have put an awning from here to the tent entrance, in the event of rain.  As you can see, the rain held off and the day was overcast, but perfect.  One piece of advice- if it rains, have an umbrella and just dance in it!  You may be surprised to find that one of your favorite photos turns out to be a rainy one.

Now, lets talk about your winter wonderland wedding!  This one is a little trickier.  Snow can create some real stress when planning a wedding in the winter months.  What if it snows the night before?  What if there is a blizzard?  What if its icy?  Here are a few tips to keep you sane while you watch the weather forecast.  

Make sure that you arrange for your flowers.  If there  is bad snow on your wedding day, will the florist deliver your flowers or will you have to pick them up?  Arrange for transportation that can safely get you and your bridal party to your venue.  Or, perhaps plan your wedding at an inn, a hotel or some other venue that has lodging for you and your guests that doesn't require driving.  City weddings in the winter can be a great alternative.  Everything is with in a short walk.  Or, like this beautiful couple of mine, plan for a comfy, country inn that has it all right there.  Make sure the venue has cleared all walking paths and parking areas.  And, most of all, relax!  It will all turn out.  What could be better than a photo like this one to remember the adventure of your snow day vows!

Remember this- its your wedding day!  And, there is a special kind of magic in a wedding with weather.  Rain is good luck.  And, snow brings that fairy like quality to your winter dream.  So, don't worry about the weather.  It will all work out.  And, you will have that perfect day- and maybe some special photos to remember the magic.  Happy Planning!

I DIDN'T THINK OF THAT

When you are planning your wedding there are so many little things that arise- some of which you don't think of, expect or know.   So, I asked my brides to tell me what they had learned, AFTER the wedding.   And, here are some of those things. 

Stressful things:

  Obviously money.  But specifically how much to allocate to what.  And the little things that you don't think of

 You have to decide WHAT is important to you.   List the 3 most important elements of your wedding.  Then, work your budget from there.   The venue and the food are going to be the biggest chunk of your budget. 

Postage - postage for the RSVP's - always forgotten

When you are figuring out the cost of postage for your invitations, you have to multiply it by 2- the outer envelope and the RSVP envelope

Do you have to tip the venue?

You do not have to tip a venue.   

 

What is a service charge?  Is that the gratuity? 

You must ask the caterer about this.   a "service charge" may be in addition to a "gratuity".   Make sure you read your contract and ask the question- "Is the gratuity included in my cost?"   

 

Inexpensive favors that people won't just leave on the table

Favors get left behind.   Make a donation to a charity and tell your guests with a piece of chocolate and a little note that you did.   Something yummy will usually not be left behind.

 

Affordable places to buy shoes

There are so many outlets to find great wedding shoes.   Ask your friends who have been married where they found shoes.   Check out places like DSW.  And, wear them at home with socks on- before the wedding.  That way, they won't be stiff and make your feet hurt at the wedding.

 

Affordable honeymoons

All inclusive resorts are a very affordable honeymoon.    Or, find a great deal with a travel agent.   

How to get a passport

This must be done in person and you must have a passport photo, a birth certificate or naturalization certificate, your drivers license or a military ID, photocopies of all documents and the fee for applying.  Check with your state government office web site for specifics in your state.

 Add in a buffer - you will always go over in some category.

There will always be an added cost somewhere.  So, put that extra money in your budget.

 

"They" always say to put the money toward what is most important, but how much?  If the DJ is most important, how much do you put toward that

 How much depends on what IS most important.  Make some calls and get pricing from several vendors in each category.  

How much a centerpiece actually costs.  And always remember to multiply that by how many tables you COULD have if everyone comes...Just in case!

Centerpiece prices vary according to what they are.   High, full centerpieces will cost more than low, more sparse centerpieces.   Discuss the options with the florist.  And, remember- if YOU are doing your centerpieces, YOU need to provide the means of setting them.  

Why the heck are you wasting so much money on things that you won't want after the wedding?? - the serving set, the topper, etc.

You don't have to have these things.  However, if you choose not to have them, remember that a kitchen knife is not a great prop for a formal photo.  And, a cake topper is something to hand down or sell.  Using flowers instead of a topper is fine.   

Married priests are controversial, but they will marry you -not in a church! - and it still will count as a sacrament in the Catholic church

You need to decide what is important about your ceremony.  And, there are so many alternatives to a church.  

Other Things

How to interview a DJ, florist (how big is a 16 flower bouquet really?  If I pay for 20 is it alot bigger and worth the money?)
Have a discussion with your florist and ask for a proposal.  Ask questions and try to get a mock up of your centerpiece.   Some florists will show you examples of flowers you like and how they look in a bouquet.   Bring pictures and explain your vision.    Be clear about what you want and how much you have to spend. 

Get everything in writing.   
Make sure you get a contract and READ it!  Ask questions.  Understand what is included and what is not.  Be clear about cost.  And, make sure that what you have contracted for is actually what the vendor can do.

Find out what the DJ, photographer, videographer charges for over time.
Your contract with these vendors is very time specific.  If you want them longer, you will have to pay for it.  So, make sure you know what they charge and what notice you need to give them for that extra time.

Get a videographer!!!
PLEASE!!!   Your photographs are very important.  But, video can catch things that photography can't.    Voices, vows, toasts, your music- all things captured on tape that are not HEARD in a picture.

How do you cut a cake for the wedding? 
The catering staff will help you with this.  For some couples, this is an awkward moment.  You both hold the knife and cut a slice from the bottom tier of the cake.   

Don't forget you are supposed to greet all your guests? (not 1/4 of them because the groom won't stop talking....my wedding!!)
Greeting your guests is tricky.  Do you have a receiving line?  Do you have formal photos before the ceremony so you can join your cocktail hour?  Do you have to go from table to table at the reception?  These are all things you want to decide before your wedding day.   

don't forget to feed the wedding party the day of.  prepay for it!
Feeding the wedding party breakfast or lunch is important.  There will be champagne and a shot or two- so food is key to having upright witnesses at the altar!

Remind the party not to drink too much
This is something I ask of ALL wedding parties at rehearsal.  Too much celebrating before the party is disrespectful.  Ask your bridal party to curb their drinking until the party.  And, make sure that everyone has a safe way to get home.

what to do at the ceremony rehearsal - and plan ahead of time for it - who walks with who, etc.
I can't tell you how many times I have had this issue.   Figure out who is walking down the aisle when and know there is a protocol for parents and grandparents.   Make sure that everyone is clear at rehearsal about what time they need to be on deck the next day for getting ready.   Are you walking with your dad, both parents or alone?   If there are children in the wedding who is responsible for them once they get up the aisle- and what to do if they DON"T get up the aisle.   Is there a stepparent or a deceased parent that is being honored?  And, girls on the left, boys on the right- there is a reason!  I would be happy to explain.

Lists of wedding songs, father/daughter dances, etc.  That father daughter dance music was hell for me to find (that wasn't the "daddy you are my hero"
Finding the right song to dance to can be daunting.  Ask your DJ or bandleader for suggestions.   Or, in this case, your wedding planner!   Cali and I worked together on this.

How to make a budget - how to use excel to add it up -
This is a difficult part of planning a wedding.  Make a spreadsheet.  List everything.  Have a conversation with everyone involved with paying for the wedding to see what each contribution is.   Understand that things will add up and add on.  Be prepared.

Keep your receipts so you know how much you paid (so you can sell it accordingly) or so you can order some more of the same item when you run out

figure out a pretty place to have your wedding dress photographed.  And not hanging from the sprinkler system
Most photographers have some great ideas.  But, if you are in a place that doesn't have an ideal spot, go outside and find a wall or a tree.   Seriously, the photographer can take this one on!

How to get a marriage license
Your city government office can help you with this.

The groom might want to buy a pair of shoes so he is comfy and not wearing rentals

Who is supposed to get a corsage or bout?  do the readers get one?
Traditionally, the mothers and grandmothers get a corsage.  Fathers and grandfathers get a boutonniere.  You may want to honor your readers with something also.  And, if you have any other honored guest that you want to recognize, you can do that with a flower.

Vistaprint is a great low cost way to get all your invites, thank yous, etc.
There are a few other sites that offer inexpensive ways to do your invitations, as well.  But, PLEASE!!  Don't use the internet to invite your guests to your wedding.  You are more special than that.

Make sure to get the rights to your photos so you can print them for super cheap and not order their prints!
Your photographer may offer you a disc with all of your photos on it.  Or, you can purchase one along with the right to reproduce them yourself.

Make sure to feed vendors if required by contract.  Sometimes you book them so far out, you don't revisit that contract until too late
Many vendors, including planners, photographers and DJ's require a hot meal in their contract.   Everyone should be fed.   Your team is working hard for you and should get some kind of a meal. 
  

Make sure to have someone to take your gifts to the hotel - and make sure you have room in the car!
I always make sure that all of your personal belongings get into a car or back to the hotel.  If I have to, I pack up my own car and take things to their destination.   This is one of those things that most brides don't think of until the party is over. 

Get a shuttle.  And when the hotel calls it a shuttle, don't assume it is like one you get at an airport.  It could be a dirty minivan!!!!!!!
If you have out of town guests, you need to provide them with a way to get to the wedding.   Not all hotels have a shuttle and some say they do, but it only holds a few people or is a mess.   So, make sure you are clear about a shuttle service or hire a professional company to transport your guests in comfort.

Get a day of coordinator - and if you use a friend, make sure they know what you expect - you don't want the lazy, shy friend!
Having someone who is there ONLY for you is the best answer to this.  Hiring a planner to make sure your day is perfect is like insurance.   You don't know you need it until something happens- then its too late!

Creative inexpensive ideas for party gifts - personal, meaningful gifts are nicer than a silver engraved picture frame.
Lots of things that can be fun and meaningful- and won't be left on the table.

What are you supposed to say for the toast from the bride and groom?
Not all couples want to say anything.  But, if you and your fiance want to say think you or acknowledge those that made your day so special, find words from your heart.  There are no wrong words.  Say what you feel.

Remind the groom that he might need a hanky (or get him a monogrammed one :).  Shredded snotty tissues aren't sexy.

Make sure the stupid men try on their tuxes before the morning of.  Sigh.
This is something that happens all the time!   PLEASE!!!  Don't wait to try on the tux.  Especially if the place they came from DOES NOT own the tuxes.  Find a reputable source for the tuxes that owns their inventory.  That way, if something does go wrong, they can replace it at the last minute. 

What to Expect AFTER the Wedding:

You won't want to watch wedding shows ever again

You won't want to try to sell your things from the wedding (decor, etc)  because you are sick of all the prep from the past year. 
Where can you sell/how do you list your stuff? 
There are sites that are set up specifically for this purpose.   Or, try a consignment shop

 You need to write thank yous - are you supposed to write thank yous before the wedding if you receive a gift or should you wait??? 
Thank yous take a lot of time
If you receive gifts before the wedding- write those thank you notes.  Have your thank you notes made with your wedding invitations.  So, as you receive gifts, you can take care of the thanks!

 

After wedding depression - the let down of all the hub bub and your friends and family going back to their normal lives

How to change your name - and in what order...SSN first, then drivers license then banks then everything else.
There are sites that help you to do this.  Or contact your local government agencies to get the forms.

Neat ideas to preserve your dress, bouquet instead of the norm.  For example, I am going to put together a shadow box with my bouquet or parts of it and      other wedding things.

Other things you should think of - getting life insurance, changing your beneficiaries, etc

Now that I have started the conversation- what do you need to know?  What did you learn from planning your wedding?  Lets keep the conversation going!!

ENOUGH SAID?

This woman is a pro. I manage events and live theater for a living. I found Wendy from a website that promised me an hour long free phone conversation with a wedding planner if I filled out a form online. I filled out the questionnaire and then Wendy called me. She was great. She gave me ideas and listened to me for the hour. I thought that was all I would get, but Wendy decided that she was going to continue to help me. So she offered her help for me for the actual day of my wedding . We agreed on a price, and this amazing woman DROVE to Chicago. Who does that? She wanted to make sure she had a car with her, since I didn't have a car. Smart lady. Rental cars are stupidly expensive in Chicago - and I couldn't afford that.
This amazing woman came to my rescue in CHICAGO. She lives in PA. We made arrangements for her to come all the way here the day 2 days before my wedding. She sat in my living room fighting with my venue for my right to have time to decorate the venue prior to the wedding. (They scheduled an event prior to my ceremony because they didn't have the right schedule on their books). My husband-to-be lost his parents, and my mom is gone as well. Wendy stepped in as my mom. And she made sure that I didn't get stressed when things weren't happening as I had planned. She couldn't stop these problems, she was trying to help and fix them. I couldn't have gotten through this wedding without her. Since she was in PA, I set up all the vendors on my own. But this woman....she took all of this with stride. She managed my day - practically blind - since she didnt set it all up. She was my day of coordinator, my best friend, my mom and my "You [vendor] will do this because I said so" go to person. My wedding was way better because I found her from a random Google search. Thank goodness.
Wendy is a pro. Wedding planning isn't easy. It is about personalities. She does her best to fight for the bride! She is a winner to me. Period.

Wendy was truly my wedding angel!  At first I was hesitant to get a wedding planner, I thought “ that’s for those crazy rich people. I can’t afford one”. Well, I have to say, "you can’t afford NOT to hire one!" Having Wendy actually saved me money, not to mention time, and honestly, my sanity!  
We started working with her about a year before our wedding when my fiancé and I just couldn’t find a venue that fit our budget or was available when we wanted to get married.  We had some rather difficult criteria as well.  I being a chef, wanted amazing, local, seasonal food, and my fiancé, an architect, wanted “ a nice approach and great ambiance”.  I was ready to give up and resign myself to the fact that we just couldn't have the wedding we wanted.
Enter Wendy-she showed us several amazing places and when she took us to Barley Sheaf in New Hope, well, we just fell in love! 
All the vendors she recommended were fantastic as well. The florist made the most exquisite centerpieces using fresh vegetables as well as beautiful flowers. Guest couldn’t stop complementing me on them for being so gorgeous, unique, and so fitting for my personality. I also couldn’t find a wedding dress under $1000 anywhere in NYC. She recommended a few places and I found the most stunning dress in my budget. She came with me to fittings and picked up my dress on wedding day after it was pressed. 
I have been working with Wendy, since October 2013 and my wedding was  August  23rd 2014 and she has never been anything but professional, honest, punctual, and efficient. She was intuitive, took care of everything I asked her. I loved that I could ask her to handle things and know they were handled!  My friend also hired Wendy after I recommend her, and she too was extremely pleased with her work!
Where she really saved my life was the day before and day of the wedding. My fiancé and I got lost on the way to our venue picking up some last minute things, my aunt was having issues with her hotel room, catering for rehearsal dinner needed to be picked up, someone needed to meet with the alcohol vendor, place cards needed to be finished  and a bunch of other little things that my fiancé and bridal party were going to do. The our phone died while we were literally in the middle of nowhere and Wendy took care of it all. She picked up the catering, solved the hotel issue for my aunt, met the alcohol courier, and helped in greeting the guests while we were finally on our way. 
When I arrived the venue she said “ give me all that you need to do, go relax, settle in and I will take care of it all!”  And miraculously she really did!  I was able to relax and actually enjoy the rehearsal dinner instead of having to worry about all the last minute things that I had planned on finishing that day.  It’s unforeseen situations like this that  make you realize a wedding planner is invaluable.  I was able to enjoy my wedding day more than I think any of my friends were able to.  Even my mother and aunt commented on how they had never seen a bride as calm and relaxed as me  during a wedding, my reply “ It’s all thanks to Wendy!”
Having worked with her for almost a year, I really got to know Wendy. I can’t even call her my “planner”, she is now a cherished friend and I recommend her to everyone without any hesitations or reservations.  

"I'm convinced that Wendy is living proof that there are ANGELS living among us; the determination, stress, and work that Wendy will take on to ensure her brides have peace of mind & enjoy their evening free of worry.... well, let's just say that I truly feel that the value of Wendy's service is absolutely priceless, she resolved some errors with our caterer's quotes that saved us almost $2,000! Wendy is a NINJA... A friend mentioned my bustle had come undone & as soon as I looked behind me, Wendy was already there! She made it look easy, snapped it into place & disappeared again!

She's so wonderful there just aren't enough words! Her profile says: "You will NOT find a better value or a more experienced or dedicated planner!" and I can verify both of those statements are absolutely true!

OH!!!!!! AND even if you think you don't need her, here's something you may not have thought of... Wendy not only set everything up, but also made sure everything was packed up and got it to wherever it needed to be at the end of the night. Even if you think you can plan the whole event yourself... just hire Wendy for the rehearsal & day of.. it's completely worth it & you will thank me!!!!!!!

My mother and I insisted on hiring her for my little brother's wedding (BEFORE HE GOT ENGAGED!!!!!!)"

DIY DO'S AND DON'TS

 

You're engaged and looking at all those rustic, outdoor possibilities.   Barns, gardens, and tented lawns.  All perfect for the darling Pinterest ideas you have been collecting.   And, right in line with your budget.   WAIT.....!!!   Before you sign up for that clearing in the woods or that barn that has no heat, no kitchen and no bathroom facilities.   Before you start shopping on Etsy and at Michael's, start collecting mason jars and old bottles and burlap- STOP! - and take notes.  

Crafty brides- and some "not so crafty" brides are becoming commonplace.   But, girls, you need to consider the facts.   When you book a venue with a clearing in the woods, over a bridge, down an embankment to a pavilion- all that crafty stuff has to get there, get set up and get back at the end and into a car.   YOU also have to get there- in a wedding gown.  

Once all those boxes of homemade stuff get there- WHO is going to set them up?  Most venues give you limited time on the day of to set up.   If you have not hired a florist to do your centerpieces, your caterer is not going to do this for you.  And, a florist is not going to set up your DIY centerpieces if they are only delivering bouquets.   Are you prepared to spend your wedding day sweating it out to put up tables and decorate them?   Shouldn't you be having your hair done, spending time with your bridesmaids and relaxing for that special moment when you walk toward your groom?   But, OK, you enjoy all that crafty stuff and you are on a budget.   Hire a planner to coordinate your wedding day.   Have that someone who will set up all the wonderful things you have put together.

I recently was helping out a friend who runs a venue.  The bride and her maids came to the venue- all made up with hair done, and proceeded to put up tables and chairs and decorate the space.   By the time they were done, they were all sweaty, exhausted and had to rush to get ready.   Is that how YOU want to spend the start of your wedding day?    Now, I know everyone is on a budget.  You would rather be putting that money toward a house or even the honeymoon.   And, you can do all those DIY projects if you are up for the challenge.   But, hire someone to take care of them on your big day!  

 And, work with a real caterer!!!!   A caterer can be found at any price range.   And, you can tailor your menu to any budget.   But, you need a professional to set up the venue, serve the food, clear away the dishes and clean up and break down.  Again- that is NOT the job of the bride!!!!   

Finally, Pinterest is a great place for ideas!  I love going there for inspiration.  But, please keep in mind that many of the pretty pictures you see are "styled shoots" and not real weddings.   Some of what you see is far more expensive and/ or complicated to do than you realize.   And, some of it was done by event designers with rented pieces and not DIY at all.  

When choosing to do a DIY wedding, keep your feet on the ground and your logical mind in check.   Realize what is really possible and figure out HOW you are going to make it all come together BEFORE you start!   You will save yourself a lot of stress down the road.   And, hiring a planner is NOT only for big budget brides.   I have worked with many brides on very tight budgets.  But, they realized the value of having someone to lean on for such a special day in their lives.   

Note:  All the photos here are from my brides.  

WOW FACTOR: HOTEL MONACO

There is nothing like walking in to a new venue and being blown away!  Such was the case yesterday when I took a couple into the new Hotel Monaco in the Lafayette Building on Chestnut Street in Philadelphia.  WOW!  Still under construction, but set to open on October 4, this is a MUST SEE for all of you modern brides!  Even the ballroom is unique and amazing!  And, with the help of the effervescent and darling personality of Michael Mitloff, the director of catering, we made a couple's dream wedding a reality!    

The Lafayette Building stands proud and elegant just across the street from Independence Hall and the Liberty Bell.  A Greek Revival building The Lafayette was built by Stephen Girard and the original ceilings and the grandeur of the building remain.  
The lobby takes your breath away, with it's stunning marble and the massive pillars wrapped in rope.   The spectacular chandelier- a ship, in remembrance of Mr Girard's days on the sea, is like nothing you have ever seen.  
The front desk and the "living room", with it's very French flair, is jaw dropping!   And, there is a little nook called the "love nook" that is a perfect spot to snap a photo or sign a ketubah.  STUNNING!!
 
Up on the roof is a drop dead gorgeous bar- the Stratus Bar and Lounge, with a pavilion on either side for private use.  My couple wants to have their ceremony up here- WOW, again!       

The guest rooms are unlike anything I have seen.  From the bright colors and shiny whites to the incredible views of the city- the old city, every detail have been thought of!  I adore the oriental cabinet that the TV sits in and the bathroom is a picture!   The walls of the hallways throughout the hotel are full of old Mummer's photographs and antique postcards of Philadelphia in gilded frames.     And, the walls are painted red and yellow or have plaid wallpaper.  For the third time- WOW!

Now, I MUST tell you about Michael!  From my first phone conversation with him to the chat at the chef's table, every moment was memorable and so much fun!  A newlywed himself, and hailing from Chicago, he felt like he was coming home to Philadelphia- and I am glad he is home!!    He is warm, welcoming, funny and made my bride feel like a queen!   


Finally, I have to say, you see my smiling bride below?  Let me tell you, she was not smiling when we began.  She had booked her wedding at another location and was told over the weekend that she could not have her wedding there as the building had been sold.  She also lost her make up person and her officiant.  To say that she was ready to call the whole thing off- well!  But, here you see Michael making her smile and showing her the yummy menus for her wedding dinner.   I am thrilled to be doing this wedding at the Hotel Monaco!  I am overjoyed at the prospect of working with Michael and his staff.  And, I am so excited to be showing you this amazing hotel before it even opens!  

If you are looking for a unique, chic and totally urban setting for your big day- PLEASE contact Michael!!!   Or call me and I will be glad to take you to see him!  You will be blown away and you too will say- WOW!     A HUGE "thank you" to Michael Mitloff for your time, your professionalism and your charming and hilarious personality!   You made my bride's day and helped me save her wedding! 

AN UNEXPECTED- AND LOVELY SURPRISE

I always work alone.  I have never had an assistant, have never sent someone else to run a wedding in ten years of business.   But, Saturday, I changed that and brought someone to help me.  The wedding had quite a bit of setup and there were lots of moving parts to the day.  So, I decided to retain help.   My choice could not have been a better one!   I asked my daughter to assist me with this one.   And, I am so happy I did!!   That's her, tying bridesmaids bows- in the black dress.  Not only was she right on whatever needed to be done, but she understands the way I do a wedding and I didn't even have to ask her to do anything- she just knew!  It must be in the genes.  But, it was as if she has always worked with me.   A HUGE and heartfelt thank you to my daughter, Meg for being my right arm and my lifesaver on this one!!   You were awesome!!

    

WILL YOU LOVE, HONOR AND RESPECT...

When choosing the professionals that are going to help you plan the most important and emotionally charged day of your life, there are many things you need to consider. Today, I am going to try and guide you down the path to choosing vendors that will ensure you have a perfect wedding day. Some of the same qualities that you looked for in choosing a mate, you should also look for when choosing your vendors. These qualities are TRUST, RESPECT AND OPEN COMMUNICATION. You must also realize that you are buying products, though emotional in nature, you are still in the marketplace and the professionals you are seeking are in business. Every bride is on a budget of some sort. And, there are wonderful professionals for every budget. Respecting the fact that these professionals make their living in this industry is important for you to remember. There are many ways to save money, to cut costs in one area in order to use it somewhere else and ways that your wedding vendors will be happy to add in something, cut the cost of something or help you to tailor your budget and not lose the integrity of your big day. So, before you cancel someone out as "too expensive" or "I don't need that" or " I have a friend who can do that cheaper", think about the fact that hiring a professional is the REAL cost effective and surest way of having a day that is flawless and wonderful.

What should you look for in your wedding vendors? There are so many websites to "guide you" to choices. There are hundreds of wedding pros in all facets of your wedding needs. How will you know if you have chosen the right one, the best one for you, an ethical and honest one? Here are five things to look for when meeting with prospective vendors. Photo Courtesy of Sarah Dicicco Photography 1. Are they caring and available? Your wedding should be a priority to someone you hire. They should be interested in you, your wedding, how you met, your family dynamic and your vision and budgetary boundaries. 2. Do they listen? You should hire people who hear you, who listen to you, who understand what your wedding means to you. 3. Do you "click"? You should feel a connection to the people you hire for your wedding. Photographers and planners, especially, should be people that you like! 4. How prompt are they? When you call or email a vendor with a question or a thought, it should be addressed in a timely fashion. You should not have to wait days to hear back from them. 5. Don't be afraid to ask questions. And, make sure the professional you are meeting with asks questions too. No one should assume they "know what you are thinking". If they aren't asking questions, they aren't listening.

Here are some other things to be aware of when you begin hiring the people who will be making your wedding day a flawless one. **Know your budget going in. Be realistic about what you have to spend and how much wiggle room there is. Meeting with vendors who are out of your reach is a waste of everyone's time and can be very upsetting and frustrating to you. **Understand that this is a business. Be respectful about discounts. This is how these people pay their bills. Just like your doctor, a plumber- and you, this is a job. So, don't ask for things that are unreasonable to ask. **Be upbeat and friendly. Bossy behavior and aggressive demands are not the best course toward a happy day. Remember that you have put your trust in these people. And, though this is a huge event in your life, you would not want someone to treat you badly in your business life. It is true that you catch more flies with honey! **Be flexible. Be ready and willing to compromise on things and be aware of what is readily available, such as seasonal flowers, limited bars and shorter time slots for photographers and videographers. **Be aware! Have a trial hair and makeup session before you finalize the deal. Do a tasting, so that you know how your meal will be presented. Go to an open house at a venue or caterer, so that you can taste the food and see the set up before you commit. Look at the photographer's work. They all have books, web sites and blogs. Just make sure that what you see is really their work- especially on line. Get referrals. Find past clients that have worked with the people you are considering. See how their day turned out. **Read the contracts! Don't assume anything. Make sure you understand exactly what they will do, how they work and what they expect in return. **Plan for emergencies. Mother nature, an unexpected disaster, all kinds of things can happen. Have a plan B and get wedding insurance. **Trust your vendors.

Once you have contracted with the people who will bring your dream wedding to life, trust that decision. You have chosen these people intelligently. So, let them do their job and allow them to guide you in the right direction. **Hire a planner. I know, it isn't in the budget, you are doing it yourself, your mother is helping you. A planner can save you money along the way, can steer you to the best vendors for your dream and your budget, can fend off many emergencies before they occur and be your advocate during the process of hiring vendors. A good planner will also be able to facilitate your day from start to finish and that is something that you, the bride, can not do yourself. From choosing colors and flowers and linens, erecting a tent in hurricane season, to getting you down the aisle in style and presenting a feast to die for, your wedding professionals are there to help you. If you use your head, as well as your heart and you apply the three basic concepts of Trust, Respect and Open Communication, you will have the perfect wedding. There are many seasoned and wonderful people in this industry. There are also bad ones. Use these tips and you are sure to weed out the garbage and find the gems!
And, as always, let me know how I can help you to have a Beautiful Day!

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Yesterday, I posted on my blog at Philadelphia Wedding about the pitfalls of hiring the wrong planner. Today, I want to address the many titles that "planners" take on and the difference between planners, designers and coordinators. But, before I do, let me tell you some things to look for when you are looking for the right planner to help you navigate the journey to your most important day.

Experience Versus Education: In your quest for the right planner, you have probably read the message boards, blogs and web sites of many people. Some have years of experience, while others are new to the business- MANY others. They have stated that they have planned their own weddings and have decided that this is their dream job. They have gotten a "certificate" from a local college, association, on line or from another planner who "teaches" new planners. While those certificates are recognized as a starting place for a new planner, they don't really speak to the need for a good planner to have connections in the industry, knowledge of who is a professional with quality product and a network of possibilities for every budget and taste. These are all things that come from doing it. A good planner has years of experience with good and bad wedding professionals. They have a sense of where to guide you based on your needs and budget. And, they have a serious commitment to the difficulties and challenges of the the job "planner". Contrary to popular belief and REALITY TV, this is NOT a glamor job. It is a serious profession and not for everyone and anyone.

Associations: There are many associations connected to the industry, as well as to the catering and events industries. Belonging to these associations, while a good way for a planner to keep abreast of trends, network and enjoy the "perks" of the industry, they are not always a necessary mark of a good planner. The most important mark of a good planner is their experience, their track record and the opinions of the industry professionals that know them.

Cost: Planners charge in many ways. Some charge a flat fee for specific duties , or a percentage of the budget for full planning. Most planners will add other duties on an "a la carte" menu or as an added charge. There are other planners who have "packages". These "packages" range from full planning to day of planning. Each package includes a list of duties that will be performed. Still others charge on an hourly basis. They may combine a package with an hourly charge for additional time. Make sure you understand what is included when you sign a contract. Ask questions about what you can expect from your planner and what will be billed as an extra charge. And, before you discount a planner as "TOO EXPENSIVE", break down what is included with that planner and what an hourly rate would be or an a la carte charge would add to the initial fee. You can't always dismiss a planner based on price. Remember that this is a profession, a livelihood and a skill set that has been honed over time. And, if you have a good planner, the time involved in helping you plan your wedding is priceless.

Now, let me explain the differences in titles. This is an area that creates a great deal of confusion. So, if you understand the differences and what you can expect, it will be easier to choose the right fit for your needs.

Planner: A planner is a professional that will guide you along the path to your wedding. Assisting in choosing vendors, developing timelines and budgets, facilitating your rehearsal and wedding day. A planner will accompany you to meetings, tastings. And, a planner will help you to realize your vision. Again, you must understand what a planner charges for these duties and what is included in the initial cost and what is an extra charge. But, a planner should be your personal assistant, your advocate.

Designer: This title is self explanatory. An event designer does just that- designs your wedding. Your palette, your tablescapes, your flowers. A designer will facilitate the execution of how your venue looks on your wedding day. Many event designers have "planning" as part of their advertising. They may have a planner on staff or have a relationship with a planner. When you hire an event designer, be sure that you are also hiring someone who will follow all the aspects of your wedding and not just how it looks. And, be sure of how these firms charge.

Coordinator: Most venues have an "in house coordinator". Literally translated, this is the person in charge of the venue on your wedding day. They are an employee of the venue- not you! Their loyalty is to the venue- not you! And, their job is to see to the food and set up at the venue on your wedding day. What happens before the wedding, what happens if your have a dress disaster, a limo that is late or a photographer that doesn't show up is not their job! They are NOT your advocate. They are NOT going to handle your mother or get you down the aisle. They are there for the good of the venue. So, when they tell you NOT to hire a planner because they have it covered- don't listen. Also, beware of "day of" coordinators. What is that? How can someone have one meeting with you a few weeks before your wedding and then show up and have ANY idea how to ensure you have a flawless day? The answer is- they can't! If you are going to invest in a planner, make a wise choice and hire someone who will be involved at some level throughout your planning process.
Finally, a note to you DIY brides. While it is widely assumed that doing your own flowers, cake and favors is a great way to save money and put your "stamp" on your wedding, it may not be true! Unless you are superwoman with nothing else to do with your time during the planning process, this can be a costly and stressuful mistake! There are certain things that you should just leave to the pros! And, if you do plan to add those DIY projects, remember that SOMEONE has to implement those projects on your wedding day. So, if you decide to do your own design, do yourself a favor and hire a planner to help you. Remember, on your wedding day you can not be the florist, the baker or THE PLANNER. And,neither can your mom or your maid of honor. Invest in the insurance that is an invaluable asset to any wedding day. HIRE A PLANNER!