FROM THE PAST- WHY?

Within the pages of time and history are held many wedding traditions.    Some we still do and others we discard for our own traditions- or because they make no sense.  But, even as weddings have changed and brides put their own spin on things, wedding traditions are a part of every couples' special day.  So, at this time of year when there are so many newly engaged, I thought it would be fun to tell you about where these traditions began.

The Rings:  The ancient Romans believed that a vein led directly from the third finger of the left hand to the heart.   So, that is why your wedding band goes on that finger.   Engagement rings- or diamonds specifically, are a 20th century phenomenon, capitalized on by DeBeers - A Diamond Is Forever.   Until the 1930's, a diamond ring was not typically the choice for a betrothal.  Though diamonds were popular among the very wealthy from the time of the Renaissance, it was not until DeBeers concocted this marketing plan and the availability of diamonds was far more widespread.   Until then, it was more typical for a bride to be to be given a gold ring as a promise to marry or, in the early Colonial times, a thimble, as jewelry was shunned by the Puritans.  

The Bouquet:  Though you will most likely be carrying a lush, aromatic cluster of your favorite flower on your wedding day, this is not what you would have carried in ancient times.  The bridal bouquet was carried for survival- literally!   A bride would carry a bunch of garlic and dill to protect her from getting the plague on her way to the altar.  Later, herbs would be carried as a symbol of renewal and to ward off evil spirits.   Flowers were introduced by Queen Victoria.   As for throwing the bouquet- this tradition grew out of the fact that during medieval times, it was customary for the guests to chase after the couple after the ceremony in order to assure that the marriage was consummated.   The wedding guests would tear at the bride's dress for a piece of it as good luck for their own marriage.  So, in an effort to escape the crowds, the bride would throw her garlic and herbs at the crowd, in hopes that they would chase after that instead of her.   In another related tidbit, the garter toss grew out of this same notion.   It was customary for the guests to invade the bed chamber of the couple and toss their tockings around.  It was said that whomever wound up with these things, was the next to be married. 

Photo Courtesy BG Productions

Of Maids and Men:  Bridesmaids originated as bait for the evil spirits that were said to be after the bride.  The brides friends were dressed identically to the bride and sent forth to fool the evil spirits as to who the REAL bride was.   The Victorians had all the girls dressed in white with short veils.   It was not until much later that the "bridesmaid dress" was born.   In ancient times, the Best Man was the lucky guy who got to accompany the groom when he went to "kidnap" his bride.  If any harm came to the groom, the best man would defend him- to the death, if necessary.   

 And The Bride Wore White:  Well, not always!  White wedding gowns did not become popular until Queen Victoria married her beloved Albert.  Until then, the bride wore her Sunday best- even if it was black.   There was no designated wedding gown.   The veil, was more like a shroud- to protect the bride from those evil spirits lurking at the wedding site.  It was also a means of keeping an unsuspecting groom from seeing his "arranged" betrothed before it was an accomplished fact that they were married.   The length of the veil denoted the wealth of the family.  The longer the veil, the bigger the dowry.   

Wedding Cake:  The wedding cake is another tradition that was born our of superstition.   In ancient times, it was bread and not cake that was used.  The bread was broken into tiny pieces and strewn over the bride's head to ensure that she understood that the groom was in charge and to bring good fortune to the couple.   Later, guests would bring small cakes or sweet rolls to the wedding banquet.  These cakes were stacked as high as possible to see if the couple could kiss over them without knocking them down.   A prosperous life was their good fortune if they succeeded.    In the early 1700's a clever baker took the idea of a stacked cake and is credited with producing the first real wedding cake.    Other fun facts about wedding cakes- Royal Icing was coined when Queen Victoria had her cake iced in white.   Eating the crumbs was considered good luck and if you didn't eat a piece of the wedding cake, it was considered rude.   Saving the cake top for a year- that came from the superstition that saving the wedding cake ( which at that time was made with candied fruits and laced with wine) would ensure that you would not have marital trouble later on.   And, cutting the cake as a couple- that was a practical thing,  When all those stacked cakes got to be too heavy for the bride to cut alone, the groom had to help with the process.   

Ladies On The Left:   This is one of my favorites and something I tell EVERY bridal party at rehearsal.   In medieval times, it was probable that the men would have to defend their ladies against marauders.  So, they needed their right arm and hand free to draw their swords.   Thus, when you are part of a wedding party or getting married- ladies take the left arm of the men.  

Something Old, Something New...:    This is something that most brides still enjoy doing.  Something old, a family treasure, worn to honor your past.   Something new, worn to welcome your future with your new husband.  Something borrowed, traditionally from someone who is happily married so that her luck will rub off on your new marriage.   And, something blue, the symbol of fidelity and true love.   And, that penny in your shoe-to bring prosperity to your union and good luck.  Often, it was made into a piece of jewelry after the wedding.  


So, now you know.   And, as you plan your happily ever after, think about the fun of knowing where some of these traditions came from.  Happy Planning!     

                 

TRADITIONALLY

Have you ever wondered why the girls walk to the left or the boys or what the significance of "something borrowed, something blue" means? Are you confused about whether to "ask for cash instead of gifts" or how to word your invitations? Well, here are some interesting facts and some answers to etiquette questions. Lets start with the wedding ring:

The wedding ring symbolizes the circle of the earth, the sun and the universe. It represents the wholeness and the continuity of the marriage vows. It is worn on the third finger of the left hand because the Greeks believed that there was a vein that led from that finger straight to the heart.

The white dress: In ancient times, a bride wore red or another bright color, such as emerald green or gold. Some say it was it was Napoleon's bride, that bucked tradition and wore a white dress, setting the stage for the modern bride. But, most credit Victoria, who wed Albert in a white dress. Until then, even black or brown were acceptable colors for a middle class bride to wear. Now, we are seeing color in wedding gowns again. So, if white isn't your cup of tea...

The bride on the left is one of my favorites and one I tell all my couples and their wedding parties at rehearsal. In the days when the men wore their swords, they may have occasion to need them to protect their ladies. Hence, the ladies needed to be to the left of the men in order for the sword, carried on the right, to be readily available if needed. This is also the reason for the bride's family sitting on the left. If the father of the bride needed to defend her or her mother, his sword was on the outside.


Some other fun facts of wedding lore include...

Something old, something new-- the old should come from a happily married woman so that the happiness is transferred to the new bride. The new is hope for the future of the couple, The borrowed signifies wealth and prosperity for the couple's future. And the blue is the symbol of heaven and true love.

The bridal bouquet used to be the "protection" from evil spirits. The bouquet was made with flowers and herbs
that warded off the the bad that could befall the couple by those enemies that lurked. Also, the reason for attendants, chosen friends to mimic the couple's clothes to confuse those enemies.

The sixpence in the heel of the left shoe, or a shiny dime, to bring good luck and prosperity to the couple.

Not that many do it anymore, but the garter and bouquet toss is a funny one. It seems that bride used to throw her garter at the men. But, they were usually very drunk and would go after ti themselves, leaving the groom to go to the aid of his new wife. So, the brides decided that throwing the bouquet was a better idea.

Another tradition that has waned is the receiving line. This tradition grew out of the idea that if the guests touched the couple, they too would have good luck.

The cutting and feeding each other of wedding cake is symbolic of the couple "feeding" the relationship. No doubt, the smashing of it in each other's faces came from another source.














Now, for some etiquette. There is so much to say here and many questions that I won't answer. But, feel free to contact me and I will answer your question. These are just some general rules of thumb.

Though times have changed and the cost of the wedding is a combined effort, these are the old guidelines of who pays for what.

Bride- the groom's ring and wedding gift
Groom- engagement ring and bride's wedding ring, ceremony fees and music, marriage license and the bride's bouquet and other bouquets and corsages
Bride's Parents- the invitations, the bride's gown, the reception, the entertainment, cake, bridesmaid dresses and the decoration at the reception
Groom's Parents- rehearsal dinner and sometimes the honeymoon.

The invitations, though traditionally are worded with the parents of the bride as the host, can be done in other ways. If the couple is hosting the wedding, then it should be worded " the bride" and "the groom" request the honor...
If the parents of the bride are divorced and are both contributing, then the bride's mother should be the host line and then the father, on a separate line. If the father is not a part of the wedding, then only the mother of the bride should be in the host line. If there are two sets of parents- the bride's parents are both remarried, then both sets of parents and stepparents should be on the host line, but each on their own line. And, if both families are hosting, then the bride's parents and then the groom;s parents should each have a host line. The "no children" issue is a sticky one. Here is one way to handle it: " Adult Reception" on the response card. Otherwise, word of mouth is the best way to handle this. The full name of the bride and groom should be used. there should be no abbreviations or initials. The return address should be that of the host.

One other place that I find confusion is the processional and the introductions. This is the proper way:
Processional for Ceremony
The groom and the groomsmen enter first
Grandparents of the bride
Grandparents of groom
Mother of groom
Mother of bride
Bridesmaids
Maid of Honor
Ring Bearer
Flower girl
Bride and escort







Introductions for Reception
Parents of bride
Parents of groom
Grandparents of bride
Grandparents of groom
Bridesmaids and groomsmen in the order they exited ceremony
Ring bearer and flower girl
Bride and Groom
I hope this was helpful. When you are planning a wedding, so many things cross your mind and you may not always know where to find the answer. I would be happy to help you in any way I can. You can do this right from here. Looking forward to hearing from all of you new brides to be.



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